Lately I got carried away scrolling through Facebook and started to wonder… whatever happened to kindness?
Not the performative kind. Not the “good vibes” kind. But the kind that makes people feel safe. The kind that softens a moment instead of sharpening it. The kind that doesn’t rush, judge, or need to win.
It feels like kindness is slowly disappearing, or at least getting buried under everything else going on around us. Everything feels louder, faster, and more reactive. We scroll past pain, assume the worst, and protect our beliefs without listening.
And I get it. We’re all tired, overstimulated, running on overload. But I also think something is being lost in translation.
This weekend I’ve learned about the Jefferson Scale of Empathy. This scale defines one’s ability to understand what someone else is experiencing and to communicate that understanding in a helpful way.
The Jefferson Scale of Empathy was developed in healthcare, where empathy plays an important role in the relationship between doctor and patient. There are studies linking physician empathy to better outcomes, including improved management of chronic illness, better adherence to treatment, and higher patient satisfaction.
When researchers looked at doctors with higher empathy scores, they found something remarkable. Their patients didn’t just like them more, they were also healthier.
Turns out empathy doesn’t just “feel good.” Empathy creates change. It creates the conditions where people trust, stay engaged, and feel less alone in the process.
This isn’t just true in medicine. It’s true in life. It’s true in relationships. It’s true in coaching. It’s true in those everyday moments when someone is trying, not quite succeeding, and wondering whether they’ll be met with compassion or judgment.
When people feel judged, they become defensive. And when they become defensive, they become resistant to change.
Empathy has the power to interrupt that cycle. Not by fixing. Not by rescuing. Not by offering advice. But by doing something deceptively simple: creating emotional safety.
When a person feels safe, something else happens. They become more honest and more courageous. Courageous enough to finally admit they’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and scared to fail again.
Empathy makes it possible for people to say those things out loud. Because empathy builds trust.
Trust is the infrastructure. Without it, people won’t fully open up, and they won’t tell you their real story. Empathy sends a message: “I’m not here to control you. I’m here to understand you.”
This is what kindness really is: not politeness, not friendliness, but being the kind of person who makes it easier for others to be human.
In a world that rewards speed, solutions, certainty, and performance, kindness can start to feel scarce, even out of place. And that’s exactly why we need it now more than ever.
That’s also the spirit behind my coaching.
If you feel ready to go deeper and inquire into blind spots and beliefs, I’m building On Your Way to Becoming, the next level after Finding Your Happy Place.