Triggers are often framed as personal sensitivities, something we alone need to manage. And while self-awareness is key, it’s also true that triggers are rarely random. They often stem from wounds that were dismissed, invalidated, or never addressed—especially by people we trusted, cared about, or opened up to.
Even when you’re aware of your triggers and have done the work, that doesn’t mean they won’t be activated again. Not because of a lack of awareness, but because the dynamic at play didn’t allow the wound to fully heal—especially when the other person was unwilling or unable to acknowledge it, take accountability, or meet you halfway.
Healing isn’t a solitary act. It’s relational. The wound lingers when the space where it happened—emotional, psychological, even physical—was never addressed and made safe again.
To give people the benefit of the doubt, hurtful behaviors aren’t always intentional. Sometimes they’re well-rehearsed patterns that become blind spots. So what happens when the person standing in front of us is unaware of their hurtful patterns? When they dismiss boundaries, deflect conversations, or play emotional games?
Despite all the work we’ve done, we find ourselves reacting—emotionally, angrily, with words we wish we didn’t say. And feel like we’ve slipped back into a version of ourselves we thought we’d left behind long ago.
But those responses, no matter how messy or painful, are honest.
So honor your feelings just the way they are, and keep in mind: behind every trigger there’s a wound unhealed. Some people show us how far we’ve come. Others remind us there’s still work to do.