I’ve been thinking about resistance a lot lately. Not the dramatic kind. The quiet, everyday kind. It’s been more noticeable in me and everywhere around me.
Someone once called me the no no girl.
I said no often. To people, to expectations, to things that didn’t sit right with me. I resisted without having the language for it. At the time, it didn’t look thoughtful or principled. It just looked difficult. Stubborn. Uncooperative.
I didn’t know then what I know now.
In psychology, resistance is the pushback we feel when something inside us doesn’t want to change, even when another part of us knows better. It’s not laziness. It’s not defiance. It’s a protective response. A way the mind tries to preserve safety, control, or familiarity.
Resistance doesn’t disappear with age. It just changes shape.
It shows up in the seemingly small things, like when we know we need to wake up early, yet resist going to sleep on time. When we know eating in the middle of the night doesn’t help our body, yet we do it anyway. And it shows up in the bigger things too, like when we’ve already formed an opinion about something or someone and resist letting new information in, even when it’s right in front of us.
And then we judge ourselves for it.
What I didn’t understand as a child, and what many of us still miss as adults, is that resistance isn’t the enemy. It’s information. Often, it appears when something feels threatening, to our identity, our comfort, our sense of control.
Even positive change can feel unsafe. You meet someone who treats you well, and instead of leaning in, you pull away or respond like a jerk. Not because you want to, but because your nervous system is pushing back, trying to protect you in the only way it knows how.
When resistance runs the show unchecked, it slowly erodes our wellbeing. We live in that uncomfortable gap between knowing and doing. Over time, that gap breeds guilt, frustration, and a quiet loss of trust in ourselves.
I should know better. Yet here I am again, reacting instead of responding.
Resistance playing out.
What helps isn’t force. It’s curiosity. Instead of asking What’s wrong with me? a better question is:
What am I protecting myself from right now?
Maybe staying up late is about reclaiming time when the day didn’t give you any. Maybe resisting a new perspective is about fear, fear of being wrong, fear of having to let something go. Maybe that late-night snack isn’t hunger at all, but an attempt to calm the nervous system.
Looking back, I don’t see the no no girl as a problem anymore. I see someone trying, in the only way she knew how, to stay herself.
Resistance, when met with kindness, softens. Not because we defeat it, but because we finally listen.
Approaching resistance with kindness instead of pressure is something I’ve had to learn myself. It’s also the foundation of Finding Your Happy Place, what I help people unpack.
The course begins January 5, 2026.