Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate Easter! “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34) is one of the most cited examples of unconditional forgiveness.
The truth is forgiveness sounds much simpler than it feels, especially when it involves people who have wronged us deeply. We’re often told to let go, move on, forgive and forget. Yet when we carry the bruises of betrayal and disrespect, the idea of forgiveness can feel like a second wound.
My mother used to tell me,”Forgive, but never forget.” At the time it sounded wise, like a way to stay kind while still protecting yourself. Later, though, I came across the idea that you can’t truly forgive unless you forget. Yet in his book Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve, Lewis B. Smedes makes it clear: real forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting.
But, as I dug deeper into my own healing, I discovered it’s not about forgiving the other person, it’s about forgiving myself: for trusting too quickly, for silencing my needs, saying yes when I wanted to say no, for trying too hard, for staying too long, for ignoring the inner voice that warned me, for waiting for an apology that never came.
In trying to be kind and accommodating, we have left ourselves exposed. That’s not a flaw, it’s human. Still, it can leave behind guilt, shame, regret, resentment. So, before we extend forgiveness to that other person, we first need to offer grace and forgiveness to ourselves.
Easter, with all its symbolism rooted in forgiveness, is a perfect time to reflect on what we’re still holding onto. What hurts are still shaping the way we show up in the world? What relationships, past and present, are we still fighting with silently? And most importantly, what would it take to release ourselves from that weight?
Forgiveness, real forgiveness, isn’t a simple overnight act. It’s a messy, layered, and deeply personal process. It can take a long time to finally say, “I see you, I hear you,” and “Please forgive me.”
Wishing you peace, light, and the courage to forgive yourself.
Christ is risen! Hristos a înviat!